Reflecting on My Journey
For as long as I can remember, I have been a voracious reader. Most long summer days and cold winter nights of my youth were spent turning pages, losing myself in a story, and having adventures in worlds envisioned in my mind. In addition to being a reader, I also remember being very organized and structured. From art projects and greeting cards I would design to my diligent practice of ballet, as a child I took the most comfort in structured recreation. In areas where there seemed to be no structure or disorganization, I would take initiative to create it.
My love of reading, writing, and books led me to study English and Communication in college, which was my first step in discovering my gifts and ways they could be applied in my life. For me, the process of reading a novel, discussing it with a group, and digging deeper into the most intriguing aspects through writing and revision was a transformative experience. In college, I discovered that I am passionate about the power of language – how words can be used to communicate, convey ideas, express emotions, and create worlds. I also discovered that I have a deep desire to serve others and use my skills to make the world a better place.
Through my experiences in college, I realized that I was meant to be a writer and communicator. In both my personal and professional life, I have used my planning and organization skills to bring people together in a variety of contexts. I believe that a well-communicated plan helps build relationships, facilitates deep connections, and fosters community. I finished my degree and got my first full-time job at a local independent school, managing a donor database and supporting events, fundraising, and communications. That job experience gave me the opportunity to learn and gain some of the soft skills that come with having a job. In that role, I benefited from excellent mentoring and gained the confidence I needed to take the next step in my career, leading me to my current role at Eastside Prep.
Embracing the Gap
At this stage of my professional journey, I feel as though I am working in a gap. I am no longer new to my role; I feel confident about my ability to complete the majority of my daily responsibilities. Yet I am also uncertain as to what my professional future holds; I feel I have mastered some skills in my professional sphere, but (naturally) there is still more for me to learn. As I consider this “gap”, I recognize that I am already a leader, and still becoming a leader, at the same time. While I seek to embrace the discomfort of this liminal space, I am discovering areas of focus for my personal and professional growth.
Over the years, I have started to take the lead more frequently as I have steadily developed professional skills and confidence. Within my role, I have grown in project management, event management, email communications, and parent relations. Outside of my position, I have stepped into leadership roles as a coach, mentor, and adult facilitator for student Affinity Groups. I have made mistakes along the way but have learned from them, making notes to improve my processes in the future. As I reflect, I have started to recognize that there are many people at EPS who look to me as a leader and are impacted by my presence, personality, and skills that I bring to many contexts in our school.
As I have continued to master professional skills, I have also noticed my growth as a leader, both inside and outside of my role. A leader is someone who knows what to do; someone that others look to for answers, guidance, or direction in a given context. By nature of the position, there is inherent pressure and anxiety that comes with being a leader. There are times that I’ve felt burned out from my work, not necessarily from the work itself, but from constantly trying to manage my own expectations and anxiety from taking the lead on projects, processes, and groups. In his book Managing Leadership Anxiety: Yours and Theirs, author Steve Cuss describes the inherent anxiety that simmers under the surface, both for leaders and those on their teams.
“Leaders face a steady onslaught of internal and external pressures we are not trained to handle. We focus on skill development and hone our gifts but too often neglect the most powerful leadership tool: awareness of what is happening under the surface. All manner of triggers, reactivity, and stories we tell ourselves bubble just under our conscious awareness. This boiling collective blocks our capacity to be present because it takes energy to manage, especially when we’re not aware of it or when we’re reacting unconsciously to anxiety in someone else.” (Intro)
In his book, Cuss points out that most leaders are trained with practical skills for their roles but continually face a series of pressures they are not trained to handle. He recognizes that there are anxieties, triggers, reactivity, and narratives bubbling under the surface for every leader and team member. It takes energy for the leader to manage their anxiety on top of their daily tasks, which is a concept that resonates with me as a leader. I have been trained in the practical skills for my job but not necessarily in effective methods for managing leadership anxiety. Through this Professional Development Project, my goal is to move from being managed by anxiety to managing anxiety and beyond self-awareness into true growth.
“Awareness is critical to be sure, but it is not the path of growth, it is simply the gate. We unlock it and walk through it, but on the other side of self-awareness is difficult work that brings freedom for us and those we serve. This is no small journey.” (Intro)
Personality and Strengths
Strengths Finder – EPS Evaluation (2021-2022)
- Achiever (Executing)
- People exceptionally talented in the Achiever theme work hard and possess a great deal of stamina. They take immense satisfaction in being busy and productive.
- Discipline (Executing)
- People exceptionally talented in the Discipline theme enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create.
- Harmony (Relationship Building)
- People exceptionally talented in the Harmony theme look for consensus. They don’t enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.
- Input (Strategic Thinking)
- People exceptionally talented in the Input theme have a need to collect and archive. They may accumulate information, ideas, artifacts or even relationships.
- Learner (Strategic Thinking)
- People exceptionally talented in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. The process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.
Meyers-Briggs Type
ISTJ (Logistician) – Introverted, Observant, Thinking, Judging
| Strengths | Weaknesses |
| Honest and Direct | Stubborn |
| Disciplined | Insensitive |
| Very Responsible | Always By the Book |
| Calm and Practical | Judgmental |
| Organized and Effective | Prone to Burnout |
| Research-Oriented |